Salt and Stars
Salt and Stars
I was 7 years old when my parents divorced
I was confused, I was mad, I was salty
Salty like the sea that crashes against the seaside house, The Turtles’ Nest
I miss that place
I remember when I was there, oh that sweet smile on my face
I miss that place
With my family there
Listening to the waves
Talking to my Dad with his scruffy beard, he needed to shave
At that moment, I was happy
But it all changed one day
I don't know why
Some part of me blamed myself
I wanted to cry
And feel the tears run down my face
Salty
Salty like the waves that crash against the seaside house, The Turtles Nest
I miss that place
But now, thinking of all the good times we had
I feel happy, and no longer sad
We built castles in the sand
And I smiled as I walked along the beach
With my parents hand in hand
The seashells we collected filled so many jars
And we sat on the porch at night
And just stared at the stars
We would see the seagulls take flight
And listen to the cars
I’d pick out the brightest star in the sky and think
Starlight, starbright
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might
Stare at the stars
Just one more night.
I like how you take the poem down to a personal level so that a person reading the poem knows more about you and can learn about your past.
ReplyDeletei liked how you put so much of your expericences in that poem with the divoirce and i can relate becase my parents divorced and sometimes i fell like that
ReplyDeleteThis poem provides a lot of insight in to your life and helps me understand you and your personality
ReplyDeleteAll I can really say is wow! I thought this poem was so well written, contained emotion, and it made me feel differently from when you started reading it. I don't know how, but this poem was extremely powerful and I could tell that you put a lot of effort into it. Great rhyme at the end!
ReplyDeleteI love all the ranges of emotion in this poem, and how you in cooperated rhyming that still allowed your poem to flow. I also love the ending, and how the whole thing was so personal to you. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThere was an emotional connection to the audience that I think is hard to achieve. It's amazing how you were able to transition from sad memories to seemingly happy memories.
ReplyDeleteThat was an amazing poem Jason! I didn't expect a poem that was concise as yours! There are no sentences, but each line still conveys an image, similar to the Red Wheelbarrow poem! Additionally, ending with Just one more night is an amazing example of repetition as you used that phrase during earlier points in your poem. Additionally, I love the irony in this poem as well, especially when you talked about the happy things in the beginning before going to saltiness. Overall, amazing poem Jason!
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ReplyDeleteIt really captured your emotion and how you experienced it, I could hear the vulnerability you had when you read the poem and just in the words you used. I also liked how you managed to repeat the word salty in your poem to bring it back to the beginning. While I haven't experienced what your poem was about, I could understand how you felt and could imagine what you were talking about.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you mentioned stars and how you watched them in the night. It was very easy to imagine what you were talking about like when you talked about the seaside house, seeing the waves crash and the turtle's nest. Overall, great poem!
ReplyDeleteI could really feel how you felt throughout this poem because you described how you felt when your parent's divorced. I could really relate to this, and I think that even to one that has never experience this, they could relate to it as well. This poem has very good figurative language and helped me to imagine what was going on. It also has very good imagery and I liked how you included how much you missed your home. This brought more feeling into me. I also had a very emotional feeling inside when you read your poem. Amazing poem!
ReplyDeleteThe poem was very moving and made me feel very connected with your experience. The imagery and emotional descriptions were really good and helped with the connections. I've never owned a seaside house, but there was so much imagery that I could imagine how it looked even if it wasn't the focus. My parents are also divorced, so that helped me see how your story was similar. Excellent poem overall.
ReplyDeleteWow, this poem surprised me. It went from a story line, to a line up of emotions with it folded together, which was super unique and easy to follow. I loved all the repetition, and that ending was fantastic. I would definitely use the same technique for your spoken word, if I were you. Salty wasn't the first word I would think of to, but you fit it beautifully into the poem that it was very powerful and it left an impression on true poetry.
ReplyDeleteThis poem reached out to many people with their parents divorced as well, and it is hard for me to understand what it is like to have divorced parents. Although, this poem brought me to understand what it must feel like, and it hit me like a paintball. I felt connected to the poem because I also like to go to the beach and watching the stars. This poem was greatly described and it was amazing! I personally like this poem and love the way it was written! Great job Jason!!
ReplyDeleteThis poem was incredible. I can tell that this is something that means a lot to you and your culture. When you read this, I could only imagine what it was like for you and I am speechless. This poem had a lot of elements to it and it was really deep/meaningful. You should keep writing poetry because this poem was really good and it describes your personal life and experiences. Amazing!
ReplyDeleteThe poem was really deep (i almost cried) i love how you brought in that lullaby and put your own twist into it. I felt so many emotions at once i was nervous for you i was sorry for you i was happy that you were able to put this in words so amazingly i was sad for you it was a swirl of emotions. Put simply well done Jason
ReplyDeleteIt was really well written and it gave us a personal insight into your life and the imagery was really great, i also love the forms of repetition throughout it. overall its just a REALLY great poem. Nice job :)
ReplyDeleteYour poem was very deep and emotional and I could feel your pain and. When I heard it I was about to cry because of how deep and emotional it was. It was just a all around great poem
ReplyDelete-Justin
"Talking to my dad with his scruffy beard, he needed to shave. " This poem is filled with moments that bring me into your world, and the experience of divorce. The repetition of Turtle's Nest reminds me of seeing the turtle breeding area on my trip to Cancun last summer. Although I know your experience is describing something different, I understand how this could be a formative memory as you look back on your life when your parents were married.
ReplyDeleteI also really appreciated how you used a cliche poem that everyone knows from being a kid, and you added your own twist. This allows me to understand how you continue to grapple with their divorce, even though it seems like you have begun to accept it as the reality. Thank you for sharing this story with me. It really helps me understand you in greater depth and the aspects which inform your identity.
Jason, I enjoyed listening to your poem. I like the way you expressed your feelings towards your parents divorce and how you looked on the bright side and remembered all the good times you had as a family. I also noticed how you repeated some phrases and that really added emphasis to clearly state what you are feeling. I can relate to divorce but I have no memory of a family. I also noticed how you incorporated "I was salty", which added your personal touch because "salty" is often used in people our age now. I got to know you a bit more because of this poem which is a good thing and enjoyed reading/listening to it.
ReplyDeleteI like how you were able to use words like salty, which has more of a negative connotation, with certain thoughts that would come to mind, to ultimately add to our understanding of the poem
ReplyDeleteJason, your poem was absolutely amazing. You really painted a picture for your audience and the theme of the poem was presented throughout the whole poem. The feeling your poem conveyed was a feeling of calmness. Hearing waves and watching stars while talking to your dad was beautiful. It was life for you when you were younger while your parents were still together and your family was really close. It can relate to a lot of people out there.
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ReplyDeleteJackson: I liked how you expressed your feelings about your parents' divorce and kept the theme of the ocean with the description of the place you called home and your experiences helped put images into my mind about how you thought about your home.
ReplyDeleteJason, this poem showed a lot of the emotion some kids have when their parents divorce. I could relate to it because my parents are also divorced and when I was younger I felt like part of it was my fault. The repetition in the poem showed the importance of seaside house and the memories your family shared. This was a very powerful poem.
ReplyDelete- Amarria
ReplyDeleteI can truly relate to your experience. You created a beautiful image and although your poem had a story specific to you, based on the overall point you were trying to make I can understand where you were coming from. I enjoyed the visuals you provided by the writing in your poem. You should have way more confidence when presenting to the class. Your work is strong and full of emotion.
I liked how you expressed your feelings about your personal life that I did not know about and it seems that you used alot of repetition using the words salty and stars and turtles nests. do turtles nests have significance to you? it must have been an intense topic that you wrote your poem about because it seems that in your poem you said that you cried but blamed yourself. You also showed how you fought through the poem and how it was veryemotional thing to you.
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