Untitled: Lucy's Poem
The place I call home
has the warm and familiar scent
of chlorine and unknown chemicals
circling the space for
seemingly forever.
The experienced sharing
their knowledge to the ones
who know nothing,
willing to lend a hand to
a life that matters.
On normal days,
the youngest struggle
to hear improvement
from the muffled voices
of the strangers in between.
The knowledgeable yelling,
“White water!”
demanding that it be
disrupted enough to
propel the host forward.
But constantly,
there is worry
that a life will be lost
under the blue waves,
no oxygen.
On the day that matters,
the 50 meters become intersecting,
turning the spotlight
on the stars
that hope to shine brighter.
Hundreds of people
flock like birds
chasing food
just to watch the one
they raised.
High up in the infinite
blue bleachers,
the ones who gave life
come together to watch from afar,
cheering soundlessly.
But it all ends with
water rippling the surface
with the absence of people,
the quiet drone
from above.
The end goal
is the feeling of accomplishment,
from not coming first,
but from improving
themselves.
This is
the water.
This is the place
that I am proud to call
home.
Is it about that blue/green lake
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ReplyDeleteI enjoyed listening to you sharing your poem. You created a descriptive image for the listener. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI could not really connect to this because i do not swim a lot but i could connect to how you described competing.
ReplyDeleteYou did really well with being descriptive, and I could really feel the suspense and excitement when you starting talking about what I believe to be is a competition.
ReplyDeleteI love how this poem was so descriptive and powerful as you read it allowed, and it was awesome how you made a setting that could have been anywhere into your home. I thought that that aspect of the poem was really interesting.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is amazing! I didn't expect a poem about a swimming pool and you didn't even say swimming pool in your poem! That shows that your imagery is amazing in this poem! I immediately caught onto the poem when you said things like blue bleachers, 50 meters, & chlorine & unknown chemicals, which are things that would typically be in a pool area. Overall, the detail & imagery knocked the ball out of the park! Amazing work!
ReplyDeleteThis really sowed ho much you appreciate swimming and how much it matters to you... Some people think swimmming is just some fun thing to do but unti you actually do competitive swimming it is more than just a sport it cn become your safe haven to get all your feelings out you expressed your feelings very well.
ReplyDeleteI love how you tied your thoughts together, because in the beginning you called this your home as well in the end. I love how I could imagine this place, and I could tell how much this meant to you, great job!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you didn't give away what home was too early, allowing people to truly understand without bias or opinions. I also like how it all came together at the end.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is very descriptive and interactive and is able to show a picture also it brings you into the situation that your going through to show that you are doing a activity and it represents your home
ReplyDelete- Justin
This poem was very deep and I felt really intrigued by your poem. I can relate to this because swimming is also one of my hobbies. I liked how you described what your home was like and used a lot of imagery to describe how you felt and how others would feel. It was very descriptive, even to one who never experienced this before.
ReplyDeleteI like how the description was really strong
ReplyDeleteI liked how you took something like a pool that many people have an experience with, and you managed to make it personal to your own experience and you described a pool without having to say the word "pool" in your poem at all. You got a point across that may not be how many people experience it, which made it unique. Also, I liked the irony in the beginning in how you said the "warm and familiar scent of chlorine and unknown chemicals" because you associated a positive feeling with something that is usually seen as negative.
ReplyDeleteInteresting use of spacing! I think the line breaks add emphasis to the different stanzas and help to separate your ideas, making the poem cleaner. The poem uses imagery to help me connect to being proud of swimming, even though I don't swim. A great poem!
ReplyDeleteLucy, you embed so many things into this poem--about a process of learning, the embodied experience of being in the water (great descriptions of the sound and smell and sights and feeling), the feeling of competing ("the day that matters," referencing hundreds watching in the bleachers, the soundless cheering). I think swimming is so hard, and am really in awe of folks who do it competitively, and who commit themselves to training and improving--it really is a home away from home, and a way of life.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was short and sweet! I really liked how it connected to me in that you did not have to say the sport to understand the poem! I like the use of similes in the poem as well! Maybe consider describing swimming as in the pace and what you feel like swimming more directly? Overall, you did an EXTRAordinary job and keep writing great poems!
ReplyDeleteThis poem clearly shows her passion for swimming. It is interesting to hear her tone when she is talking about something she is so passionate about. I felt like I was in the bleachers in her poem, and seeing all the things that she describes. Great job
ReplyDeleteThe visualisation of the water and the dangers that the water presents is verydescriptive and it also shows what competitive swimmers have to go through having to go fast but to also keep your safety because there is a possibility of drowning under the water that takes your breath away. You also compare some things like saying that the people are like flocks of birds and that they wtch their kids swim and possibly win.
ReplyDeleteLucy, your poem was very beautiful. It shows how swimming is really important to you and I understand what your talking about. Swimming was an amazing subject for this poem because most people just don't understand how it is to work so hard at swimming and you did a great job at showing them how important it could be for most people.
ReplyDeleteYour poem did a good job of showing without telling. The descriptive words that you used made me feel like I was apart of the swimming competition. This poem gave a good understanding of your experience with swimming and how important it is to you.
ReplyDeleteI know that you swim, but I had no idea how much it meant to you, now am seeing this new side of you and how you are an athlete. I can tell that you have the drive inside of you to do your best in the swimming pool. I swim, but I dont have the drive in me to compete and go to the olympics, on the other hand you do, and I know that you will achieve anything you want. I love the way you express your emotions for swimming and how you feel at home when you are doing it. The way you explain your expressions really shows how it's part of you.
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