Cameron's Poem:
Tobacco Chair
I remember,her,
Sitting in her tobacco chewing chair.
She looked so Peaceful.
Something you’d think would always last. Just,
One more day with her I wish I’d had.
It’s all good though, because I know,
She's dancing with God. Sitting in her chair.
She, she wondered how her block,
The one of kindness and fun had turned into,
A murder hub in 20 years.
Yes, she loved everyone, the one thing she didn’t love,
Was the violence.
“Why can’t we get along” She said while,
She sat on her chair.
“We are all family and family and family,
Should love eachother” Said she everyday.
She looked so peaceful in that brown chair.
First the cops kill, then we kill, when does it stop.
Why can’t there be peace for the woman in, the
chair.
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ReplyDeleteThis portrait poem was amazing, Cameron! You descriptively laid out what happens in your neighborhood by using your great grandmother, which is quite unique for a story! Additionally, I liked how you not only described your great grandmother, but that you also told what is happening around you at home, which shows an excellent amount of attention to detail. Overall, this poem is great!
ReplyDeleteMy original comment is also my honest feedback.
DeleteThis is a super deep and emotional poem that I think you aced while writing it. It describes the life of your grandmother with what was going on around her, and I thought that your style for writing this poem was super interesting as well as intense. Great Job Cameron!
ReplyDeletethis was my honest feedback
DeleteThis poem is truly phenomenal! I love how you emphasize her sitting in her tobacco chair, and the things she can do with it like dance. I know how you feel with losing her, she must be important to you. Just keep in mind she's always there. Great job, Cameron!
ReplyDeletei liked how you represent your grandmother as a tabacco chair.
ReplyDeleteYour poem really conveyed the image of your grandmother sitting in her brown tobacco chair. Your poem was also really relevant to today because it referred back to the violence in Chicago. You did a good job in the way that you worded your poem, it flowed really nicely together.
ReplyDeleteThat was my honest feedback
DeleteI like the way you referenced your grandma and her chair. Also it was cool the way you brought in how your grandma didn't like violence and thought we should all get along.
ReplyDelete-Honest Feedback
DeleteI like how the poem goes from sitting in a tobacco chair, to her block becoming a murder hub, back to the chair, and how it gives us lots of information on the situation.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was very deep and shows your close relationship with your grandmother while also speaking on the gang violence and police violence in Chicago.This poem shows alot of power and i like how instead of smoking you reffered to the chair she sat in as tobacco chair.From knowing you I'm guessing this is about your recently passing grandmother.
ReplyDeleteThat was my honest feedback
DeleteThis poem is really amazing. I liked how you were able to talk about someone you really missed, and you were able to bring your own experiences out of school. It was amazing how you were able to make something normal like a chair and turn it into something more than that. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was my honest feedback.
DeleteI'm going to assume this is about your grandmother or an older family member who might have passed away and their views on the modern-day violence in neighborhoods. I think its really interesting how you showed us her point of view. I also love how you mentioned the Tobacco chair because that seems like a chair that she might have had relation too ( Basically they sat in it a lot ) and i really love that. Nice job =)
ReplyDeleteI like how you made your poem about your great grandma and how she feels about the world. I could imagine someone sitting in a chair talking/complaining and hoping that the world would get better. This also shows how you cared for her and payed attention to her even if she didn't realize it.
ReplyDeleteAmazing poem!
DeleteThat was my honest feedback.
DeleteI liked how you made your poem about your great grandma and how she experiences the world. I also liked how you added in the tobacco chair and how she sat there thinking on how the world could be better. I also liked how much you cared for her and payed attention to her.
ReplyDeleteThis poem has a lot of meaning to you and I can tell you put a lot of emotion into this. I liked how you repeatedly came back to the chair, putting emphasis on the significance of it to your great-grandmother. While talking about your great-grandmother, you also managed to address the issue of violence in your neighborhood and Chicago. I really liked how each stanza had a different topic but they were all related to your great-grandmother and how you experienced her.
ReplyDeleteHonest feedback: This is my honest feedback
DeleteCameron, this poem expresses how your great grandma viewed the world and how it affects you. You bring up the tobacco chair a few times which shows how important or how much of a typical thing that was for your grandma to use. I can tell that you really miss her but also know that she is in heaven with god in a better place. Really good job conveying your grandmother's personality in only a few words.
ReplyDeletethat was my honest feedback
DeleteCameron, there are so many things I love about this portrait--of your great grandma, of Chicago, or our society. I love how you were able to invoke race and police violence through this portrait of someone you love. For me, the idea of a tobacco chair resonates really strongly--my great grandpa used to smoke a pipe in a chair in his house. Now whenever I smell pipe smoke, I am so strongly reminded of him. The last line feels really poignant to me too, "why can't there be peace fro the woman in the chair."
ReplyDeleteWow Cameron! This poem was thought through and really well written. I can relate to what you're expressing in this poem because I know what it's like to live in North Lawndale. I felt like a really got to know your grandma as a person, and that's a really special feeling. You could also see the events of change and violence happening in front of you and this poem really helped someone step into your shoes. You also took a really simple memory about her and transformed it into a symbolic masterpiece. I especially loved that last line. AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteHonest Feedback :
DeleteThis was my honest feedback.
This poem really portrayed your personal experiences and vision of your grandma, and I think that made this poem great. The imagery in this poem was excellent, and I liked how it was told threw experiences and quotes from you grandma. The emotion and perspective you gave of her in a better place, and the past events that shaped your view of her was also great. This poem was excellent, well done!
ReplyDelete(Honest Feedback), My first response was my honets feedback...
Deletei really liked how you taled about your grandma and i know she just died and the good memories and the bad you had with her and i like how you could tell this poem was from the heart and it ment alto to you
ReplyDeletethat was my honest feedback
DeleteI really liked your poem. It told a story about grandmother and what she thought about violence in Chicago, it showed how she saw Chicago turn into a worse place and that she wished that everyone would be as calm as her in her chair everyday.
ReplyDelete(Honest review)
DeleteI honestly liked your poem. It had a great sense of family and said a lot about your grandmother. You could have had a bit more flow, it seemed more like a story than a poem, the idea of a metaphor of your grandmother being compared to a tobacco chair could help improve in this area.
Your poem didn't use much imagery for the chair, but that made it easier to focus on the social commentary given. The chair was mainly used as the window to reflect on, which is a really interesting way to take this sort of poem. The social commentary added depth to the direct meaning and the explicit meaning helped anchor the social commentary in real life, making both of them fit together and be easy to think of. The focus on your grandmother was a nice touch. Great poem!
ReplyDeleteI feel that this represents my honest feedback.
DeleteThis poem shows a picture of your grandma sitting on her tobacco chair talking to you about the crazy world and how she tought about it. Also what her tobacco chair meant to her and how she saw it
ReplyDelete-justin
DeleteHonest feedback: that was it also this poem is swell buddy keep up the outstanding effort =)
DeleteI wonder how much inspiration you found in Monique's poem from last year? For me, it seemed like this poem is in conversation with her poem...I like the image you present of a tobacco chair. My mom was a smoker, and had her favorite chair, so for me it resonates on a personal level. You do a nice job of interweaving your grandmother's Chicago with how it can be understood in the present-day.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used the tobacco chair when you talked about your great grandma,. I also liked how this poem was worded and the certain things you said like, "dancing with God", I thought this was a really intriguing way of putting it. I like how you bring up the tobacco chair at the beginning and the end of the story, because it gave it a full circle feel to the poem. I also like how you went through her view with no violence, great job!
ReplyDeleteHonest feedback: This was my honest feedback, however it was a tough poem for me to understand
DeleteThis poem kind of reminded me of mr coppola's tangerine chair poem and monique's grandmother smoking poem and it was very interesting when you mentioned the chair an the tobacco that she would chew when she would sit on it. This reminds me of my who would stay in his chair and eat relax and sleep on. And all your poem was about your grandmother and it was always focused on your grandmother and i think you did a really great job.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Cameron! Your poem did a good job of creating an image of how a place can change over time and how it can affect the people that live there. This poem also showed me how close your relationship was with your Grandma and some of the special memories you had of her. The repetition of the tobacco chair tells the reader how it was significant to your Grandmother and her views of the world changing around her.
ReplyDeleteThat was my honest feedback.
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