Justin's Poem: The Hot Spot
The Hot Spot
You were there when I first came into this world watching over me like a hawk watching their prey carefully taking in all the details
You were there when I took my first steps running along with me holding my hands
But you decided to leave and
I'm now on the hot spot with unknown emotions
Unable to deny the truth
I'm at the point of no return
I've found myself stuck between two dimensions
Cloud nine and the sea of grief
and now I'm locked in
With emotion unknown, I’m in a space where all eyes are on me
and I have no choice but to befriend the grief
And now the only thing left to do is to expose it through tears
And now I see the night playing with my wrinkly friend
Leading her into the gateway of the next life
Paradise the final destination
And before she set off in her drawer I saw a cigarette and I remember
Watching her light them up begging you to stop
1 turned to two 3 to 4
I swore I could already hear cancer knocking on her door
And I realized that this 5 dollar pack of sticks crumbles up your lungs
As easily as crumbling paper
And that these sticks are taking 10 years off of your life
Quicker than you know
And you must have not know that
You had to have thought that this was a way
To relieve the stress put on you
But yet God didn't tell you that
maybe he wanted you to be at rest with
Your other antique friends
But for now until I join you at the paradise
I will forever be on the hot spot
i felt a connection to your poem because i lst a family member to smking and cancer to so i know how you feel.
ReplyDeletethis was really good becuse it told about all of these emoions you had and you diditn know what to do with them becasue it was a person that yu cared about and they had died.
ReplyDeleteYour poem was very detailed. It was similar to Moniques poem. I can relate to your poem in many ways and I understand what you feel. Your poem expressed a lot of emotion and it was really strong. It was straight forward and there wasn't much to interpret. You did a really nice job Justin, and I understand what your going through.
ReplyDeleteJustin, this is an amazing poem! I like how you used imagery throughout your poem to describe what you felt when you were talking about other people and I also liked how you addressed the life struggles that your family members have everyday as you make the scenes and events enticing as possible while making it concise. Overall, this is an excellent piece of poetry!
ReplyDeleteJustin, this poem is really good. You really showed how you felt about smoking, and how this person's death had a significant impact on your life. I think that you did a great job with your literary devices, and you put a lot of emotion into it. Overall, I think you did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem a lot. I don't know who the topic of is, but it seemed like a person you cared about who had also cared about you before passing away. They seemed like the had passed away a while ago but the grief came with you.
ReplyDeleteJustin- This poem was so good! I realize how close you were to your- grandmother? I think so... I can relate to this because my great grandma died from smoking, and many people know how addicting it can be and how hard it is to stop. I feel you. Great poem, great job, great performance! Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteThis poem was really good because you expressed your own feeling and also reminded me of Monique's poem in that someone passed with the help of cigarettes and you had good poems.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was very interesting. I originally thought that the title was the name of the restaurant in the background of the first two pictures. However, I see how their death forced you to cope with these emotions. The images add visual to the poem to help connect the emotions. Nice poem!
ReplyDeleteI like how this poem uses lots of literary devices to add meaning to the poem, and how you show a whole new side of you, a side of grief. I can relate to this, as my grandma also smoked and is currently dead.
ReplyDeleteJustin, I couldn't relate to your poem because I have never experienced it, but when you read your poem, I could kind of feel how you felt about your family member or loved one that wouldn't listen to you and kept on smoking. You really showed how you felt about smoking and how this person's death affected your life. I think that this poem was really good, and that you did an amazing job putting your emotions to it. Great job Justin!
ReplyDeleteWow Justin! I really enjoyed how you bounced off of Monique and Nova to inspire your poem. This was really well written and it was really easy to understand, which helped me realize exactly what you were feeling. I liked how you related a lot of memories at the beginning and then you moved into emotions. This was awesome!
ReplyDeleteRight from the beginning I was engaged and hooked on this poem. I really felt the emotion, and the overall feeling that I felt was portrayed in this amazing poem. The word use, rising and falling of the tone, and the layout of the poem made it simply excellent. I appreciate you sharing these feelings and thoughts with the class in the form of poetry. Great job Justin!!!
ReplyDeleteJustin, i could feel the pain you felt after your relative passed away. I could tell that you were always against her smoking and knew she was going to get sick. The figurative language you used really helped me to paint a picture in my mind. I'm sorry for your loss. Overall your poem was great, good job.
ReplyDeleteJustin I loved that poem, while I don't know who you're necessarily talking about, I can tell the significance that person had to you. This reminded me of Monique's poem and I could tell that you worked really hard on it and it had a ton of meaning to you. The Hot Spot seems to be this place where you're stuck between happiness and sadness because of this loss. I didn't know you were in this position but you really explained this to everyone well. You conveyed the idea really amazingly and you almost made me cry. It was soooo good Justin!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good poem, it showed me a side of you that I have not really seen before. There was so much emotion in this poem, and I like how you made the "hot spot" represent something. Although I could never put myself in your perspective, your multi modal component made me feel more connected to the poem , overall great job!
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming this is about an aunt or grandmother or someone really close to you and i really think its beautiful how you decided to turn your emotions about her passing into words and imagery. I also love that you mentioned you were on a hotspot (This is what i thought) because it seems like now you don't have the same person to lean back on in a situation and how their death has impacted you negatively.
ReplyDeleteJustin, this poem is beautiful. It creates an image of things that most people might be afraid of. But, it also creates an image that most people look forward to. It shows how this person cared about you and you understand that they cared about you enough to never take their eyes off of you. It was a cute poem even though it was most likely about death, you actually said you can't wait to see her again.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was really well done and you really express your sadness for this person. I can see a part of you that I have never seen before, and that is a good element to a poem. I love all of your figurative language and it helps me imagine your circumstance. I can relate to this poem because my great aunt passed away because of smoking and I remember being just as sad as you were. So many can relate to this because it is so so hard to quit smoking, and it is something that many people can relate to.
ReplyDelete-Lucy (great job!)
Justin, I can relate to the pain and grief that you felt with the passing away of your relative because my great grandmother passed away 2 years ago. I could tell that the line "And these sticks are taking 10 years off of your life, Quicker than you know" was inspired by Nova and her poem about Cody. This was a really good poem and I could tell that you put a lot of effort that you put into your poem. I think you should work on your confidence when presenting because you had a really great poem. Overall, you did a great job!
ReplyDeletemy dad is a smoker he tries to quit but cant this poem reminds me of my dad but my dad hasnt left yet his smoking hasnt gone up dramatically but still it is going up he smokes around 2 or 3 a day. this poem shows what might happen to my dad and also what might happen to me someday.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma used to smoke and still gets urges and my dad does but try's to hide it this reminded me of that amazing job
ReplyDelete